Every time I turn on my TV, I see people dancing. Whirling, swirling, twirling, they glide through the miniature world that occupies a nook in my living room. I see mazurkas on Mondays, Texas two-steps on Tuesdays, waltzes on Wednesdays. They dip and swoon, swing and sway to the ballet of life in ballrooms and bedrooms, on beaches and bandstands. They do the cha-cha, the mambo, the samba, the hokey-pokey, and the conga. And every now and then, they roll up the rug, kick off their shoes, and have a good ol' sock hop.
So what's behind this latest dance craze? Why are all these people tripping the light fantastic, hoofing it, prancing to jigs and jitterbugs, and twisting again like they did last summer? As far as I can tell, it's because they're all on drugs.
All this disco mania takes place within commercials created by pharmaceutical conglomerates. The scheme is to promote better living through chemistry and to get you to pester your family doctor to write you a 'scrip' for some of this miracle dope. The particular affliction matters not. It could be asthma, obesity, osteoporosis, falling hair, or the Dread Bob Dole's Disease. Just pop a few magic pills and Shazzam! You feel born to boogie and ready for the prom.
I think I'm on to something here -- a marketing strategy better than "I can't believe I ate the whole thing." I see drug company profits soaring to the mega-mega range, and perhaps a comeback for the Arthur Murray Dance Studios. I need to tip Betty Boston and John Williams to this one. And the basic idea is so simple. The aging baby boomers all took drugs and did silly things when they were kids. Now they can relive those moments and relish the nostalgia. Except this time, it's all legal -- and very profitable.