While I honor my father and his memory, my superior learning will make me a superior king. Because of this, I will make the following changes as monarch:

First, I will let flow freely from the treasury those the funds that my father has so parsimoniously built up over the years. While nations like the United States have operated in deficit for many years, Slobovia has for two decades taken in more in taxes than it has spent. That policy ends today. Even if we were to spend ten percent more than we take in for the next ten years, our treasury would still be in surplus. Thus, I will lower taxes by five percent across the board and begin payments to my most loyal subjects from the treasury in an amount equal to five percent of the annual tax revenue, beginning immediately. If a great nation like the United States can spend more than it takes in, in order to please its citizens, then so can we–my subjects deserve no less.

Second, I will allow the local officials in each of the provinces decide whether they wish to remain a part of this kingdom. My father was a very successful warrior; he increased the size of our kingdom three-fold during his lifetime, mostly through military conquest. This has meant a much larger Slobovia, but it has also meant many deaths and the subjugation of many non-Slobovians. This is immoral. I will arrange elections in each of our newer provinces so that local people and local officials may choose to which state they wish to be loyal.

Third–and this is closely related to the second proposal–I will disband the large standing army that now threatens our neighbors. This move will have several positive effects. First, it will end the draining effect that military spending has on our treasury–spending that feeds no children, houses no elderly citizens, prevents no diseases, educates no one. This reckless waste must end. Second, it will end the threat of war we pose to our neighbors. Only immoral people, the kind that study and plan the efficient destruction of others, benefit from the military-industrial complex. Third, reducing the size of our military will make us more safe, since it will allow our neighbors to demilitarize as well. We will keep a small force to police our borders, but we will no longer maintain our ability to express violent power beyond Slobovia. In addition, I call on all other peace-loving and humane nations to do the same.

Fourth, I will maintain a public and open monarchy. The people deserve to know what kind of a man is their king. Although my father was a great man, he had many vices. When he felt himself threatened, he would cease to be the compassionate, honest, and humane man that he was, and then he became cruel, duplicitous, jealous, and lacking in all compassion. Only when his power was assured would he return to his normal self. Additionally, I believe the secrecy of the palace encouraged him to indulge his passions more than ordinary men. I want to make sure I am never taken with this urge to put power over people. To guard against this kind of selfishness, I plan to run the most upright and ethical monarchy the world has ever known, by keeping no part of my personal or professional life private. A panel of counselors, selected by our parliament, will live with me at the palace to ensure that I cannot say one thing and do another.

Fifth, I promise not to become headstrong, unyielding, or stiff necked. Instead, I plan to consider and reconsider every decision. I want to be certain that every step I take is the right one, even if it means changing my mind frequently. Surely every leader must second-guess himself regularly, or history will do the guessing for him.

Sixth, and lastly, I place my fate and the fate of every subject in this realm in the hands of almighty fortune, as our lives are in fortune’s hands whether we wish to be or not. We cannot control events, therefore we should not try.

Thank you, men and women of Slobovia, for your support and your good wishes for a safe, secure, and prosperous future. I feel sure that these alterations in our way of life will make us all more wealthy, more secure, and more moral.